Power-Within and Authenticity

Blessings, Courageous Ones!

What makes you feel powerful? 

In this exploration, I begin by defining "power" as the power that comes from within, and not as the power-over or domination of other beings that is so prevalent in humanity at this time.  In Truth or Dare, Starhawk writes, "Power-over is linked to domination and control; power-from-within is linked to the mysteries that awaken our deepest abilities and potential."  In Dreaming the Dark, she writes:  "...power-from-within is the power of the low, the dark, the earth; the power that arises from our blood, and our lives..."  She relates it to a consciousness of immanence, "the awareness of the world and everything in it as alive, dynamic, interdependent, interacting, and infused with moving energies:  a living being, a weaving dance.  The Goddess can be seen as the symbol, the normative image of immanence...Immanent power, power-from-within, is not something we have but something we can do."  And again, in Truth or Dare:  "Although power-over rules the systems we live in, power-from-within sustains our lives.  We can feel that power in acts of creation and connection, in planting, building, writing, cleaning, healing, soothing, playing, singing, making love."

I feel powerful when I embody the archetype of the Empowered Queen.  I feel powerful when I share those things--including vegetables!--that I have tended from seed to harvest.  I feel powerful when I know the work I am doing helps make the lives of others better.  I feel powerful when I am channeling the energy of the Goddess during ritual, with no ego attached.  I feel powerful when I follow a creative project through to completion.  I feel powerful when I am on my morning walk and am connected to the Earth.  I feel powerful when I care for myself.  When do I feel the MOST powerful?  I feel the most powerful when I am living authentically.

In our women's ritual community, Sisterhood of the Moon, each Sister is called to bring her Authentic Self to every gathering.  I view our Authentic Selves as the healthy personification of our personal Truths:  our thoughts, our emotions, our feelings, especially in that particular moment.  I like what Starhawk says here about the denial of personal truth:  "...the illusion that truth is found outside, not within, and denies the authority of experience, the truth of the senses and the body, the truth that belongs to everyone and is different for everyone."  My Truth may not be yours, and yet, it is no less valid for not being a shared truth.  As a Sovereign Being, it is my right and responsibility to hold my own Truth, whether or not others feel the same way.

I've discovered that I do not get to my own Truth as rapidly as others seem to--it takes me much longer to precisely know my personal Truth than it does for everyone else I've ever met. So much of my work and Service lies in channeling the emotions of others, including the emotions of the zeitgeist, that it often takes months, sometimes years, for me to arrive at my personal Truth.  I am learning to view this as part of my Authentic Self instead of seeing it as something "wrong" with me that needs to be "fixed." I also acknowledge that our personal Truths are not static--as we grow and learn and change, so can our Truths.  Because something was true for me at 16, does it still have to be true for me now?

I see authenticity as the courage to live and know my own Truth.  In the past, I often didn't share in situations where I didn't feel 100% comfortable; since I was small, I've been one who quietly takes in the "lay of the land" or "watches the tides" before feeling secure enough to express myself.  I've never identified this as a character flaw since getting a feel for the energy and dynamics of a group before fully jumping in can be respectful, and was often the correct choice for me.  Yet, in looking back, I now see times where I wish I had been brave enough to express myself earlier. 

"100% comfortable" is an illusion that I created from my own fears of perhaps being rejected, of not being heard, and of maybe even being laughed at and made fun of.  At its root, this is truly an issue of self-trust, self-validation, and authenticity.  I am now adding "in this moment" to a question Starhawk asks, "What am I seeing, thinking, or feeling in this moment that I'm not saying?"  This does not mean that I am required to speak the sight, thought, or feeling in that moment, but I must examine if speaking it would help shed light or bring forward movement to the situation at hand.  If the answer is yes, then it is my responsibility to call on the bravery needed for me to share what I am noticing.

In my continuing exploration of who I am as a Leader/Priestess, I am cultivating self-trust and courage.  In trusting myself, I create my own etheric pool of "safety" that I carry with me wherever I go.  In the comfort of this "safety pool" that I am continually swimming in, I find the courage to express my truth, and I find the courage to talk my walk, instead of just walking my talk.  I find the courage to express my Truth.  I bring forth my Authentic Self.

So, what makes you feel powerful?  I invite you to find out!

Blessed be!

Lady Jesamyn Angelica

On Gratitude

Blessings, Courageous Ones!

I am preparing for my pilgrimage to the Goddess Temple of Orange County on Friday, the first of two pilgrimages I have planned for the weekends prior to my Ordination.  I will be travelling down to Southern California with my Priestess-Sister, Lady Carolina Amor, Presiding Priestess of the Spanish-language Circulo de Isis.

Carolina and I have been Goddess Sisters for many years now.  It has been a long and winding sojourn for us, starting with a relationship as Goddess-circle Sisters, moving into friendship, and finally, also into an understanding and kinship as Priestess colleagues.  I deeply cherish my connection with this woman and count her among the greatest blessings in my life.  May we continue this adventure together throughout this lifetime and beyond!

My relationship with Rev. Ava Park, Presiding Priestess of the Goddess Temple of Orange County, began at Z Budapest’s Goddess Festival in 2008.  It feels so very auspicious that I am journeying down to this Sacred Temple for Queen Convocation during this time directly before Festival happens again.  Ava is a dynamic and exciting Teacher, a true embodiment of the Queen archetype that she shares with us through her Queen Convocations, priestessing, classes, and other counsel.  This will be my third Queen Convocation and my first at the Goddess Temple.  I enthusiastically open myself to the teachings of this skilled and magnificent woman!

Lately, I find myself contemplating the nature of Gratitude.  What am I grateful for?  What blessings have I received in my life?  In musing on Gratitude, I am recently drawn to thinking about all of the Teachers I have had thus far in my life, especially those in the Realm of the Goddess Traditions.  I am thinking about all of the Priestesses whose lives have intersected with mine.  I am thinking about women who lead with grace and passion.  I am thinking about women who “walk their talk” and have devoted their lives to Service.

Who were my first Priestess-Teachers?  Zsuzsanna Budapest, of course.  I also add Shekhinah Mountainwater and Laurie Cabot to this list, although I have not met them in the flesh in this lifetime.  ALisa Starkweather, whose ritual at the Women’s Herbal Conference in Peterborough, NH in 1998 changed my life; it was my first large women-only ritual and was extremely powerful and poignant for me at that time and in that place.  I add those Sisters who participated in my small coven in NYC where we first named and acknowledged one another as Priestesses of the Goddess in sacred ceremony.

Leilani Birely, energetic and magnetic High Priestess of the Daughters of the Goddess here in the Bay Area, was hugely influential on my Priestess Path.  Leilani was my primary Teacher during my initial Priestess training, and I served with her as a Temple Priestess for five years before hiving off and forming the Sisterhood of the Moon.  I learned from her what it truly means to hold the cauldron of a women’s community on a daily basis.  I learned how reverence and irreverence, how solemnity and laughter, woven together, create great ritual.  With her, I learned to look at my Shadow Self and the lessons of the Dark.  I learned what to do—and, at times, what not to do—to create a healthy Sisterhood.

As Teachers, I name all of the women I have circled with over the years, including those I am blessed to call Priestess-Sister. I also add the names of these women, whether or not I have participated in formal training with them:  Bobbie Grennier, Ava Park, Leticia Layson, Susun Weed, Diana Paxson, Starhawk, Ffiona Morgan, Victoria Slind-flor, Deeann Bruno, Bendis, Ruth Barrett, Falcon River, Bu Nygrens, Lupa, D’vorah Grenn, Oloya Tyehimba-Ford, Maria and Lynda Yraceburu, Patrice Erickson, Louisa Teish, Evelie Posch, Jennifer Berezan, Rosemary Gladstar, Barbara Nardozzi, Shiloh Sophia McCloud, Selena Fox, M. Macha NightMare, Yeshe Rabbit, Venus Elyse, Heatherly Stankey, Patricia Cramer, Marianne McCarty, Artemis Passionfire.  I know there are more. 

Not all of these women would claim the title “Priestess,” yet all of them are undeniably Priestesses of their own particular Realm of knowledge and expertise, and through the gifts they share with the world.  Many of these women embody the quality of being an Empowered Queen of their own Realm.  Many of these women exemplify exceptional Leadership through Service.  All of these women have touched my life and taught me something important about leadership that I did not learn anywhere else.  Thank you from my heart!

In my continuing exploration of Gratitude, I am finding that sometimes it is what I have learned NOT to do that is the true gift and blessing, the true teaching.  We are all human beings doing the best we can with what we have.  I offer my gratitude to all of these Teachers, those named and unnamed, for their influence on who I am today. I offer my gratitude to the Multiverse for enabling our Paths to cross.  I offer my gratitude for the wisdom in finding the true gift in all of the offerings I have received.

And, to all of the Teachers whom I have not yet met, I look forward to the day our Paths converge!

Blessed be!

Lady Jesamyn Angelica

Counting Down

Blessings, Courageous Ones!

Today marks 22 days until my High Priestess Ordination, the final clergy Rite of Passage in the Dianic Tradition, of which I have been a part since I was 19 years old.  I find myself almost completely focused on this portal and what needs to be done before I walk through that sacred gateway on September 7^th.

As the Moon wanes, I am releasing, releasing, releasing.  After Friday, the New Moon in Leo, the Moon will not be Dark again until a week after my Ordination ceremony.  I try to catch a glimpse of Her through the fog and clouds each night, asking Her to take those things, known or unknown, which I need to let go of, those things that no longer serve me, those things I will gratefully, and hopefully gracefully, relinquish as compost for healing and forward movement.  Time feels like it has sped up, and I am racing towards the finish line as I do the work of expansion, of making more space within myself.

I am cleaning and letting go of things like a wild woman.  Tangible things like artwork, writings, clothing.  Intangible things like ideas, constructs, grief.  I am in deep communication with my Soul and with my Truth.  As I cleanse and purify myself, I make room for those things, the Essence of what is needed right now in this time, in this place, and in this dimension.

I am taking stock.  What have I learned?  What am I grateful for?  What qualities do I wish to pack in my etheric bag for this next part of the journey?  Into this space I am creating in my heart and Soul and home, I call forth those things that will enable my Service to rise effortlessly to the next level.

I am asking myself many questions and this feels important; this is my sacred work of this particular moment.  What does good—exceptional—leadership look and feel like?  How can I honor my own Self and also be in harmony with the Service I am called to do?  As an Empowered Queen, how do I flow with the cycles of Giving and Receiving?  How do I care for myself so that I do not “burn out?”

As I prepare for our Sisterhood’s annual Labyrinth Pilgrimage the first weekend of September, I muse on what I can create to symbolize those things I am willing to release.  What am I truly willing to leave in the center of the labyrinth?  I respectfully and humbly entreat Grandmother Spiderwoman to assist me in weaving all of the threads of my life into a beautiful tapestry, to protect me during this time of Initiation, to aid me in fully opening myself to the depth of my power-within and the magick that is all around me, in all dimensions, in all space and time, throughout the Multiverse.  May I walk in Beauty.  May I walk in Mindfulness.  May I walk in Truth.

I invite you to journey with me, Adventurous Ones!

Blessed be,

Lady Jesamyn Angelica