Blessings,
Courageous Ones!
It is
International Women’s Day, and I wanted to share some thoughts about the
language we hear, and some of us use, every day.
I have
noticed a disturbing trend in the greater zeitgeist—unintentional misogynistic
languaging. I am currently noticing this
in many places, and the most disturbing part is that I am hearing this from men
who have shown me to be--and for many years have forcefully spoken of themselves
as being—women-loving and women-respecting people. These are men married to and/or partnered
with women, who are raising children who were born girls, who speak of the
women and girls in their lives with respect, love, and awe.
Recently,
I pointed out an example of this language to a man I consider(ed) to be a very good
man, and a friend—a teacher, a self-proclaimed lover of women, and a fantastic
father to a young girl. This was on a
sports blog; and yes, I am very aware that these blogs are generally classified
as places of great misogyny. Yet, I have
known this place to be different. Many of us know each other well and spend a
great amount of time with one another “in real life,” cooking for one another,
knowing one another’s families, inviting each other into our homes and into our
personal lives. This is a place where the
participants are union workers, pro-bono lawyers, public radio producers, writers,
teachers of all disciplines, nurses, doctors, people dedicated to all healing
professions, sons and daughters raised in all sorts of “non-traditional”
families, people who cover the full-spectrum of gender and expression, in all
realms, we who I had thought intentionally engage with one another from a place
of love and respect….we who often are seen as representing, or even are considered
as “under privileged,” people in society.
We are a small community of all ages, all genders, all ethnicities, all
spiritual practices, all backgrounds.
And I love us. We are family. I share this small snapshot of “who we are” because
I had not expected this issue to arise in this place; I had always unconsciously
thought of us as a “safe space,” a community devoted to equality and supportive
expression. This is why this feels so
big to me.
So I was
shocked I read a misogynistic comment here; it was a cringe-inducing, needle-scratching-the-record
moment.
I truly
begin to feel and to really know, consciously, how insidious the patriarchy is
in our language with one another. When
we use words like “pussy,” “pansy,” “girl,” “bitch,” etc. to disparage one
another—and I am talking about people who love and respect one another, not
adversaries of any kind—and it is somehow okay and unquestioned, I see how deeply
the dominant culture pervades our relationships with one another in sneaky and divisive
ways. We unconsciously perpetuate those
very things that we would never stand for if we were really aware of them.
When I
shared that the use of the word “pussy” to describe a person who was wimpy or
not tough was disrespectful to women I wanted to shed light on how painful the
use of these words (especially in the unconscious, unnamed realm) are to me, to
my Sisters, to all women and girls. I thought I would hear back, “Oh, wow,
thanks for bringing this to me,” “I hear
what you are saying,” “Yeah, wow, that’s
really messed up.” Instead I heard, “I
was just being funny. Can’t you take a
joke?”
This kind
of languaging is not a joke. It might be funny to you when you are the
joke-maker, because you sit in the place where, consciously or not, it is okay to
place women as “less than.” It sets
woman apart and aside as the continual “joke” of society. If we would all admit that this is
exceptionally hurtful to women, therefore, to all of us…if we would acknowledge
that it continues to place women as “less than” men and recognize that it
continues to set “man” as the ideal…if we would own that it perpetuates separation,
hatred, violence, murder, war, and ownership...
This is a place where true intersection and understanding could occur.
I’m tired
of taking the joke, and you should be too, because the underlying, unexamined, societal
“joke” is always on women. Yet, all of
us are born from women. How is it
“funny” to say hurtful and violent things about women? “Oh, well I didn’t mean you…you are not like other women; I wasn’t talking about you.”
I hear this all the time. I may
not “be like other women” but I am a woman.
Saying hurtful things about any women is saying hurtful things about all
women. We are all One.
I invite
you to truly think about what it feels like for the women and girls in your
life to be constantly barraged by words used in this way—and we hear them practically
every single day in every realm we walk within—how does it unintentionally
shape our lives, all of our lives? When you
wonder why the women you care about are always carrying around emotional baggage,
secretly thinking there is something deeply wrong with us, even when we have
done and are doing our Shadow work: think about what it means for us to grow up
in a culture where the sacred parts of our bodies, and who we are as people,
are constantly referenced in derogatory ways, covertly being constantly told
that we are “less than.” How do we learn
to see ourselves and our bodies as whole and holy in this culture? This is the
essence of the healing work we do together in circles of women.
The person
I originally spoke my truth to asked, “God, I hope you’re joking…how about we let this go, okay?” Well, I am not ready to “let this go.” I cannot laugh or let these “jokes” continue
to slide by. When any woman is
disparaged, we are all disparaged. We
are all One—all genders, all beings, are One.
Let’s get this together. Let’s
all think about the words we use—and goodness, I know there are words and
expressions that need to be eradicated from my vocabulary as well! We are all perfectly imperfect, striving to
re-member our Divinity.
Maybe we can make “jokes” about anything and everything when
we are all equal. Probably not, because
we will not need or want to! Let’s now choose
to bring great mindfulness and intention to the words we use. Do they really do our thoughts and feelings
justice? Is it really what we mean to
say? Do the words bring forth
collaboration and cooperation? Do they
show respect for all beings?
And yes—let us always make jokes! I love to laugh, and I spend as many hours
possible every day doing so. Let’s laugh
without hurting others. Let’s laugh in integrity. Let’s laugh as the Divine Beings I know us
all to be.
Blessings,
Lady Jesamyn Angelica
HP, Sisterhood of the Moon
